It wasnt honestly fair for my mom to have me as a child? Like honestly just being truthful. I dont really have quality of life at all. Maybe as a teenager i could get by with the internet, but my psychosis is really progressing quickly all of a sudden. I keep thinking about how my mom took me out of school so young and just kept me at home for so many years straight alone in grossness not cleaning the house or anything letting Hunter pass away from sickness etc. and now she just expects me to pretend that didnt happen? Cause if i bring up to her how her choices as a mother affected and still affect me, affect me for life eternally, it makes me abusive or something. It's crazy, and people who didnt go through this dont even realize anything about the extent of my brain problems, like no you cannot..Look at me and hold me to the same you..It's not fair, its really not. You cant. I am fundamentally an animal of a person. I am hardly a person at all. I was raised like a dog and shoved in a kennel and terrified. Im not anywhere near what kind of a living being you are, im like. Something that was unfair to be bred into existence. It's even more unfair that I'm expected now to like, have a life. Stop it. It's genuinely too loud. I am not supposed to be doing any of this. I would be happy if this was all spared and I was born instead as a dimetrodon or pterosaur or something. There's like this neverending sickness in everything all over my life. I cant stop crying.

Thanks for reading, hopefully soon I will have an entry that is not bad